ShoutoutLA Feature: Meet Kathy Tan | Founder | Personal & Professional Development Coach
Local Stories | March 27, 2023
We had the good fortune of connecting with Kathy Tan and we’ve shared our conversation below.
Hi Kathy, is there something you can share with us that those outside of the industry might not be aware of?
Trigger Warning: domestic abuse, domestic violence, violence, trauma, mass shootings
Two topics those outside of the industry may not be aware of include the complexities of domestic violence (DV) and the gap in empathy towards survivors that exists. Globally, 1 in 3 women experience domestic and/or sexual violence in their lifetimes making this a public health crisis (WHO, 2021). We also see how it’s interconnected with gun violence and mass shootings occurring far too often in the United States as more than 68% of perpetrators in mass shootings either killed family members or intimate partners or the shooter had a history of DV (Geller et al, 2021). Mass shootings, homicides, and suicides are of utmost importance to see what triggers this event in a perpetrator’s life. Perhaps if one had the knowledge on how to navigate various stressors, accountability and support system from family/friends on how to stop the cycles of harm, mentorship from professionals or trusted individuals, and resources available to seek help early enough, these are factors that could have given them alternatives to harming self and others on a large-scale. On an individual and family-level, we must consider generational patterns, resources folks had or didn’t have available to help them process through trauma, the holistic needs of a person/family at the core that might be causing stress, and culture/messages internalized around who to marry, how they treat their spouse, family, kids, gender roles, etc. It’s about honoring each person’s humanity and recognizing/confronting our own biases because we all have them. When it comes to DV, do folks recognize what domestic abuse looks, sounds, or feels like outside of physical abuse? Do survivors (and their family/friends who are supporting) know their options? Do they feel they even HAVE options?
Secondly, fostering empathy for survivors and truly putting themselves in the shoes of someone who is experiencing such a traumatic experience is absolutely critical for folks outside the industry. The thought processes, types of decisions, the moves they have to make. Why they stay in these kinds of relationships and the dynamics behind it are just a few examples I’d like to elevate. It’s complex because there’s so much involved in a person’s decision-making including kids and other dependents, all of the feelings attached to loving, caring, and depending on that person who’s harming you, and even admitting that there’s a problem is a first step to overcome. Coming to that realization like wow, how did I get into this situation and is it even THAT bad? Getting past that initial denial and coming to terms with it. Am I making a big deal out of this especially if it’s been the norm you’ve seen growing up or experienced firsthand relationship after relationship. Having hope that things can change and get better despite the reality showing otherwise. How to break through other barriers like will people believe me and do I have support? Society often dismisses what battered women in particular have to say. Is it even worth speaking up? Being shamed or judged? Will anything really be done? Fearing the repercussions for all involved and not wanting to make things worse? Thinking maybe I truly deserve this. Maybe I’m the only one experiencing this and feeling all alone and isolated.
When it comes to supporting a survivor specifically, it’s really about understanding, showing up for them in the ways they might need, and providing resources in whatever choice they decide to make. This in addition to understanding it is their decision to make.
Can you give our readers an introduction to your business? Maybe you can share a bit about what you do and what sets you apart from others?
Amalu Coaching, LLC’s mission is to create safe spaces for loved ones of abuse in the Asian American Pacific Islander (AAPI) community and beyond. We do this through 1:1 or group personal and professional development coaching, community support groups, and our self-empowerment, self-assessment technology tool that is currently being developed.
The name “Amalu” was formed 1) to remember my deceased grandmothers on both sides by taking their first names to give it a special meaning so they can be remembered forever. 2) Amalu – meaning “something valuable” and “pure” – comes from various cultural origins which I believe this dual meaning embodies the people we serve.
We are unique in three ways: 1) the audience we serve, 2) our giving it back to the people approach, and 3) our give back model.
We predominantly serve Filipina, AAPI, and BIPOC women who identify as survivors of abuse and/or family/friends of a survivor along the healing journey from victim, survivor, to a thriver of their trauma and domestic abuse. Currently, there are not enough resources, education, nor focus on healing and coaching services for the family/friends of a survivor specifically. Everyone needs a strong community and trusted support system as they navigate their healing journey and stressors of trauma, and we recognize how essential it is to strengthen these secondary survivors as well. These key individuals are often the informal first responders survivors turn to when in need of a listening ear by a loved one or when seeking help. Secondarily, family/friends may often witness what’s going on behind-the-scenes and care deeply for their loved one yet may feel powerless by not knowing what to do nor how to respond in situations of abuse. We’re not asking them to be experts, but they should have the basic tools and skills to know how to listen well with empathy, know where to find resources, refer, and foster self-care.
Our giving it back to the people approach. We are not a small business giving one size fits all solutions. We truly believe everyone is a leader. Whether you’re a survivor or a family member/friend of a survivor, it’s an inside-out process in that we act as a guide alongside you on your path to your own greatness to developing the leader within in order to walk out a purpose-filled life from your highest version of self and inevitably empowering the people around you too. We won’t do the work for you, but simply provide you with the tools, resources, and encouragement to help you on your way.
Lastly, Amalu’s business model involves 10% of ALL proceeds giving back to domestic violence organizations and initiatives that are directly serving survivors of domestic violence. This sets us apart with the purpose to advance the work of organizations that are tackling this pervasive issue on the front lines directly serving survivors of domestic violence.
Let’s say your best friend was visiting the area and you wanted to show them the best time ever. Where would you take them? Give us a little itinerary – say it was a week long trip, where would you eat, drink, visit, hang out, etc.
It definitely depends on which best friend is visiting! I’d consider what they’re into and what I know about them, if it’s their first time visiting, and what they can experience in LA that they wouldn’t be able to experience anywhere else.
With all that said, there are definitely some go-to spots I would take them including:
1) A live show or taping of some sort (very LA haha)
2) An event or premiere going on in the city
3) A studio tour like Universal Studios or Warner Bros to see a live set
4) An LA tour to get an overview of the city and its rich history. A tour that involves the Hollywood Sign, Hollywood walk of fame, Sunset Blvd, Beverly Hills, Rodeo Drive, Santa Monica and/or Venice, the Grove, and 3rd St Promenade for shopping and food
5) Drive to Malibu and hike the Santa Monica Mountains. Hollywood Sign Hike or Runyon (for the first-timers)
6) Angels Landing near Dodgers Stadium, Echo Park Lake, and Griffith Observatory
7) Brunch at Manhattan Beach and hang out for a beach day
8) Farmer’s market on the weekend and check out the street art on Melrose
9) Take them to my church on Sunday (shoutout to Potter’s House of OneLA )
10) For nightlife, rooftop bar for happy hour and light drinks in downtown or Hollywood
11) For food… so many options! KTown for KBBQ and boba, Little Tokyo or Tatsu Ramen, Thai Town, Chinatown, or Grand Central Market in downtown
12) Dodgers/Lakers/Rams game, Disneyland, concert at Hollywood Bowl, or one of the many museums in LA (if time permits)
Who else deserves some credit and recognition?
I think of the saying “it takes a village to raise a child” and how true that statement is when it comes to my current success and where I am in life today. There’s so many people throughout my life that have poured into me knowingly or unknowingly that deserve credit and recognition in my story… it’s impossible for me to pinpoint just one. If it came down to it, God would be the number one shoutout – or the ultimate thread in my story. I’ve seen countless examples throughout my life to know that my higher power is the one directing and guiding me throughout all of this: connecting me with the right people who were put in my path in different seasons, resources, opportunities, and giving me my unique skills and talents to share with the world.
Next would be my family. Although like most families we are FAR from a perfect family, I feel immense gratitude for my dad (Victor), mom (Nora), 3 older sisters (Steph, Theresa, and Becca), 1 younger brother (Tommy), my aunt (Koko Jeanne), and 5 nieces (Jayda, Keyana, Aria, Liv, and Melea). They have taught me so much about life and consistently been a source of support, mentorship, and love in their own unique ways.
Lastly, I’d like to shout out specific individuals – informal and formal mentors, professors, past supervisors, colleagues, friends, and pastors – that have been a pivotal part of my social entrepreneurship journey. Huge shoutout to the following amazing people: Dr. Kirnon, Dr. Boghossian, Dr. Annice Fisher, Pia Hugo, Nick Frankle, Edwin Garcia, Tommye Williams, Dru Ortiz, Karina Guzman, Rose Francois, Anahi Carter, O.B. Amaechi, Darryl Glover, Ronnie McClain, Janice Andrade, Jenna Pascual, Anna Marie Cruz, Sharon Senko, Paz Eliza, Julie Roberts, Chloe Bloedt, Bridgette Bradley, Sandy Rodriguez, Sam Gergans; Pastors Moore, PT, Sarah, and Stephanie.
All of these individuals are part of my village, and I know so many others I could shout out. This collective support has meant the world.
Website: https://amalucoaching.com/
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/amalucoaching
Linkedin: https://www.linkedin.com/company/amalu-coaching/
Yelp: https://www.yelp.com/biz/amalu-coaching-los-angeles-2?osq=amalu+coaching
Other: http://voyagela.com/interview/community-highlights-meet-kathy-tan-of-amalu-coaching/ linkedin.com/in/kathytan92
Image Credits
Karen Dreyfus, Julie Golingan Roberts, Ronnie McClain
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